Thursday, December 14, 2006

More Nuggets of Wisdom from the "Food Critic"

I don't have much time to comment on this, but I think it pretty much speaks for itself. It's a volley of communication between me and the alleged GQ Magazine food critic and reportedly human, Alan Richman. JudyB and a few other bloggers, whom I apologize for not recalling at the moment, have also written about him. Fortunately, I have professional experience dealing with the severely mentally disturbed. Enjoy.
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Date: Dec 4, 2006 5:52 PM
Subject: From a Real Live Lepre -- I mean, Creole!
To: thecritic@optonline.net

Dear Mr. Richman,

I figured you'd like to know that we Creoles do indeed exist! We even have a language and a cuisine and other cultural traditions that also still exist, just like the real Cajuns you seem so fond of. In fact, Creole French has been the native tongue of my relatives up to and including my grandparents' generation; and although born in America right outside of New Orleans, they did not speak English until they began their schooling. Such was the case for many Creole New Orleanians well into the 20th century. There is no way you spent as much time as you say you did here without coming into contact with the "mythical" Creole. We are very much a part of this culture, even though we don't walk around with C's on our foreheads so that visitors can easily identify us. (It's sort of like how Manhattanites can spot someone from the B&T culture far better than tourists can.) Also, you probably didn't see many of us with shovels because we were at work, school, or likely INSIDE fixing our homes since, well, we figure that re-installing walls and floors and whatnot takes precedence over gardening at this stage in the rebuilding game.

I won't waste anymore of my time with this, not because I'm afraid you'll liken me to "drunks screaming in a bar," as you have called some of my fellow New Orleanians, but because you are clearly the type of ignorant ass I prefer to not waste time on. However, before I say "au revoir" (did you know that Creoles say that too? I learned it from my grandmother long before I set foot in a French class), let me suggest that while you are sparking the national debate on New Orleans which you say "this country badly needs," that you also debate the existence of New York City, one of the most hurricane-vulnerable cities in the nation and likely to face a 20-foot storm surge during the next big storm to strike there.

So get your shovel ready,

Dr. E.J.
A Real Live Creole American
New Orleans, LA
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On 12/10/06, thecritic@optonline.net thecritic@optonline.net wrote:
Dear Dr. EJ,

RE: "ignorant ass"

I'm reasonably certain you don't exist, but I'm absolutely certain you're fabricating your higher education.

Best ,

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Date: Dec 10, 2006 7:44 PM
Subject: Re: From a Real Live Lepre -- I mean, Creole!
To: " thecritic@optonline.net"

Mr. Richman,

I would never make up credentials just to impress an ignorant ass.

-Dr. E.J.

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From: thecritic@optonline.net < thecritic@optonline.net>
Date: Dec 11, 2006 2:18 PM
Subject: Re: From a Real Live Lepre -- I mean, Creole!
To: dr.ej

And you studder, too. Let me hear you say "ignorant ass" again. It's so cute.

5 comments:

Ray said...

Jeezus, what a petulant little fucktard.

Maitri said...

Wow, EJ! Here are my observations thus far:

1) You have balls.
2) He doesn't.

This rude and puerile individual writes professionally for a living?

E.J. said...

Fucktard. Thanks for the new vocab, Ray. :-)

Thanks, Maitri. If I have anything to say about it, he won't write professionally for much longer.
-ej

TravelingMermaid said...

I had never heard of this man before this brouhaha. (Don't read GQ) He's a food critic, huh?
He sounds like he has multiple corn cobs stuck up his ass.

You go, EJ!

E.J. said...

LOL @ travelingmermaid