Thursday, July 31, 2008

I Shall Get Upon the Cross for Nagin

I like to think that I'm mostly right about the views I post on here. Still, the irrepressible guilt I took on during my 13 consecutive years of Catholic school keeps me humble enough to know that I've done SOMETHING wrong, even if it occasionally takes someone or something else to point that out. Allow me to confess that in less than 24 hours, I've been proven wrong on two essential tenets of my life, that: 1) Louisiana gators don't attack us like Florida's gators attack them; and 2) We might be sinking slowly into the ocean, but at least we don't have sinkholes that suddenly swallow entire houses and shit -- like in Florida. Why Florida is involved in both of these is purely coincidental, or still buried in my subconscious.

Mayor Nagin's cavalier responses to this NOAH mess, and to pretty much everything important that has occurred after his re-election, suggests that his religion teachers had methods of crowd control other than guilt induction. Lucky him.

Yet, I feel just awful about this whole NOAH snafu. So this is what I will do: Just as Jesus sacrificed himself to redeem us, I present myself as another black man whom the public can criticize for spreading falsities throughout this community. Gators and sinkholes are as threatening to our recovery as stealing federal aid. Thusly, I come forth as a sacrifice; I humbly offer my wrongs to Lee Zurik and this community, so that Nagin may have political life, and public funds abundantly. Please, take me instead.

Oh, and before you call Cecile Tebo to my house because you think I've had a psychotic break, I am still in touch with reality. I can't guarantee Nagin eternal life, and he's still on his own for the crime, crime cameras, the lying, the credit card charges, endorsing Jefferson, fostering a closer relationship with his brother-in-law or at least keeping abreast of what he does for a living, for his avoidant coping style, and for his passionate relationship with Lee Zurik (I mean when was the last time you've seen chemistry like that on film?).


charlotte said...

I'll be your Mary Magdalene.

Cool post.

E.J. said...

LMAO! Thanks. Cool comment.